You're my little dorito
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
