The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I lost the right to judge tonight
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
