I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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