The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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