Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize