Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
