Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
