life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
