Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
