Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
