I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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