i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
