It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
