I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
