Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize