I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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