im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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