was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
