We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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