I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize