yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
