Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize