I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
