she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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