I got chris browned last night
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
