Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
