I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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