I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
This is not my ceiling
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
