she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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