Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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