I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
