how do flat chested girls get laid?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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