Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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