i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
