Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
