hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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