1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Blood and glitter go together right?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
