if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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