what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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