oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
