dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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