Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
