just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
