This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
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we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
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almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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