did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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