The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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