I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
