He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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