I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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