the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
