you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
