yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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