Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
