something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
