I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
