So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
