I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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