The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
