it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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