I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
