He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse