I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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