Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl

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(313): I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl http://tfl.nu/zim9

Replies (2) Good night (879) Bad night (1270)
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(517): View more from Michigan

when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.

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(517): when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch. http://tfl.nu/wqdf

Replies (6) Good night (603) Bad night (3253)
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(254): View more from Texas

The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"

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(254): The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro" http://tfl.nu/wdu7

Replies (12) Good night (871) Bad night (3192)
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(513): View more from Ohio

twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library

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(513): twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library http://tfl.nu/04eo

Replies (22) Good night (5450) Bad night (842)
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(302): View more from Delaware

just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day

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(302): just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day http://tfl.nu/bsdz

Replies (6) Good night (5279) Bad night (861)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

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(908): While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you." http://tfl.nu/7a3m

Replies (55) Good night (27367) Bad night (2705)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.

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(609): I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke. http://tfl.nu/ibe5

Replies (11) Good night (1047) Bad night (4040)
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(937): View more from Ohio

I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.

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(937): I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge. http://tfl.nu/8lhz

Replies (19) Good night (4574) Bad night (1166)
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(410): View more from Maryland

You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.

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(410): You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers. http://tfl.nu/ew7x

Replies (6) Good night (809) Bad night (1779)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab

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(505): I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab http://tfl.nu/ok4v

Replies (3) Good night (1170) Bad night (675)
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(903): View more from Texas

How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?

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(903): How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing? http://tfl.nu/tt7s

Replies (3) Good night (633) Bad night (335)
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(862): View more from New Jersey

That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.

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(862): That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth. http://tfl.nu/z1m3

Replies (0) Good night (688) Bad night (353)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.

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(864): Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on. http://tfl.nu/ak2b

Replies (3) Good night (1216) Bad night (793)
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(425): View more from Washington

My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked

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(425): My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked http://tfl.nu/kxqx

Replies (2) Good night (397) Bad night (462)
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(207): View more from Maine

But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..

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(207): But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life.. http://tfl.nu/emx1

Replies (1) Good night (492) Bad night (261)

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