I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
