we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
