dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.