Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.