life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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