Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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