i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
accomplished twins. life is a go
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
