I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
