suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
