Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
