I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
