??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
