I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
