its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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