I am midnight drunk by noon
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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