if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
