Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners