pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.