she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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