Non-Jews are for practice
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
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mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?