forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
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Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
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this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate