It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
