we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
