Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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