yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
