when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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