My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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