i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
this boner is exhausting
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
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